SNL Skit

Here's the skit from last week's SNL I mentioned in my last blog...

A Special Message From the President of the United States
Announcer: The following is a special address by the President of the United States.
President George W. Bush: Good evening. Three nights ago, I spoke to you about a new strategy for victory in Iraq. A strategy that involved.. a troop surge. The temporary committment of an additional 21,000 U.S. military personnel. From what I've been told, the plan was very well-received. Most people thought it was a fantastic plan, and would work beautifully if given a chance. Of course, the plan had its critics as well. Some, whothink the solution is to cut and run, oppose deployment of any additional troops to Iraq. Others argue that the troop surge is too small. That 21,000 is not enough to get the job done. And that this plan amounts to a "doubling down" on a bad hand. Upon reflection, I believe these critics are right: 21,000 additional troops is not enough. And, with the very survival of our way of life at stake, this is not a time to merely "double down." It's a time to go "all in."

Accordingly, as Commander-in-Chief, I'm ordering the immediate deployment to Iraq of ALL U.S. military personnel. Whether active duty, or reserve. Including: Army, Marine Corps, Air Force, Navy, Coast Guard, Merchant Marine, and shore patrol. Every single man or woman currently serving in any branch of our armed forces.

In addition, I will use my authority to send to Iraq all other uniformed personnel residing in the U.S., who have training with firearms. Policemen, Corrections Officers, U.S. Marshalls, FBI agents, private security guards, Civil War re-enactors, and, of ocurse, astronauts. And our nation's armed criminal element will have a role as well. The Crips. The Bloods. MS-13, and the Jamaican drug posses, have all been asked to do their part in Iraq, and I have no doubt they will answer their country's call. For this is every American's fight. And, if you wear a uniform, and regularly carry a gun, we need you in Iraq. whether you're a New Jersey state trooper - or Allen Iverson.

And yet, vast as this force will be, it may not be enough to secure victory. That is why I've asked from Congress - and expect to receive - authority to draft other Americans in uniform for service in Iraq. Who are these other Americans? In short, they're our country's true strength. Its forgotten heroes. Though they, too, wear a uniform, we don't usually think of them as defending our freedom. But they do. Everyday. I'm talking about America's firemen, mailmen, park rangers, uniformed sanitation workers, doormen, train conductors, toll booth operators, zookeepers, nursing home attendants, bartenders, Catholic schoolgirls, casino croupiers, limo drivers, shriners, pizza delivery men, exterminators, valet parkers, Explorer Scouts, cleaning ladies, and Century 21 agents. After six weeks of military training, these will join the other troops in Iraq, bringing our total force in that region by Summer to nearly 75 million. Three times the population of the country, and twelve times that of Baghdad. If a force that size can't do the job, well.. we can always add more! [ laughs ]

Critics of this plan will no doubt cite logistical concerns. "How will such a large force be deployed to Iraq?" Well.. surely with a force that size, some kind of discount - or charter fare - would be available. "How would that many troops be fed and housed?" My answer: there are any number of private firms that could handle the job. Personally, I recommend a company called Halliburton. And, finally, "With nearly every able-bodied American, aged 16 through 60, serving in Iraq, who would be left to defend our homeland from attack?" That one's easy. The same people who have been doing it for nearly one-hundred years: the men and women of the Texas Air National Guard.

Thank you. And, "Live from New York, it's Saturday Night."

Good things...

First, SNL was absolutely hysterical last night. Jake Gyllenhaal hosted and the Shins were the musical guests. I was so glad it was funny because the recent episodes I've seen were almost dull. I'd say the whole show last night was great. I laughed the whole time, which I really needed. One of my favorite skits was the opening satire of Bush giving his address on sending more troops. I am not a vocal Bush basher, but when something is funny, you have to admit it and enjoy it. See my next entry for the transcript of the skit.

Yesterday I got a check from my insurance company for my "loss" back in December when my car was broken into and the stereo stolen. I'm pretty sure I made a profit there. They gave me $678!! Sweet. So, today I went over to Best Buy and bought a new stereo. Oh, it's so wonderful to have music in my car again. now I just need to decide whether or not I'll fork out $300 for an alarm...

This morning while hanging out in the youth room before church, I heard a familiar voice coming from the stereo speakers. It sounded like John Mayer, but some of the songs I'd never heard before... So, I opened the CD drawer to find that David left his John Mayer Trio album in there. Well, I didn't have that album, but now I do thanks to iTunes. Falling in love with John all over again. This man is amazing. =) heehee.

Peace and love.
J

It's cold!!

I know we're having record lows all over the state, but is it really necessary for me to have to wear a scarf inside my apartment? It's cold! My gas wall heater broke some time between April and October, so the gas company gave me a red flag (back in Oct/Nov). When I reported this to my landlord he said that they'd rather not fix it and he gave me 2 space heaters to use for the duration of my lease.

I found out at Christmas that it's illegal for the landlord to refuse to fix it. According to California Health & Satety Code, an apartment is legally uninhabitable if the gas and heating facilities are not properly working. I wrote a letter to the landlord and mailed it earlier this week. He should have had it by yesterday, but of course I haven't heard from him regarding that or the email I sent on Tuesday.

The space heaters are OK. They do the job (to some degree), but I'm sure my electricity bill is going to be much higher than expected. For some odd reason I get billed by the LA Department of Water & Power (DWP) every two months. My last payment was Nov. 30, so I'm expecting a bill any day now... Today the space heaters are not doing that great of a job fighting off the cold. I'm wearing my sweats, socks, slippers, and a scarf and my hands are cold. Can't exactly wear gloves while using the computer and turning the pages of my CPA book. Let's hope my landlord takes action soon!

J

The Life of an Auditor

As an auditor I examine and "test" the account balances and transactions of companies to attest to the accuracy of their financial statements. But because I'm only in my second year as an auditor and I don't have my CPA license yet, I get to do all the low level work. This includes performing inventory observations for our clients that maintain inventory balances on their balance sheets at year end. The purpose of me observing and testing the client's inventory count is to verify that they perform the count in accordance with their established policies and procedures and that their inventory is properly reported in their financial statements. Since we just had year end, I've been pretty busy in the inventory department. Below is a recap of all the things I've had the pleasure of counting in the past two weeks...

1. I went to a dealership of special access vehicles to count mini-vans and commercial vans with modifications for disabled persons.

2. I went to a warehouse in Compton to spend time in a warehouse-sized -14 degree freezer to count 11,900 boxes of frozen beef strips. I will forever compare all cold weather to my experience in a -14 degree freezer! That was definitely the coldest I have EVER been. Immediately upon entering the freezer, my nose hairs froze, which is quite possibly the most bizarre sensation I've ever felt.

3. On New Year's Eve I went to the mall to count cell phones and accessories at a T-Mobile kiosk.

4. I got to drive to Camarillo to count a warehouse full of heating and air conditioning units.

5. My co-worker and I drove down to Orange County to observe the making of razor blades and count two warehouses full of box cutters, letter openers, staple removers, etc. I had no idea there was such a huge market for box cutters, but grocery stores all over the country do need to arm their staff with them. Did you know that they make right-handed and left-handed box cutters?

6. And last, but not least I traveled all the way to Spokane, WA this past Thursday in order to be at a printing warehouse at 7am on Friday to count rolls of paper and tanks of ink. It's amazing how many different kinds of paper there are, and in huge rolls they all look the same. It was in the high 20s and snowing in Spokane, but that's nothing compared to a -14 degree freezer!

Six inventory observations in one season is pretty huge. I performed more than anyone else in my office. I'm a pro now. Give me a holler if you ever need anything counted.

My turn to be sick

I spent November and December avoiding the sicknesses running rampant through the office. I was one of maybe 3 or 4 people who didn't get a cold, bronchitis, or pneumonia. It finally caught me though. I felt a tickle in my throat on Thursday morning and woke up miserable yesterday. Spent most all day yesterday and today just chillin' on the couch trying to rest. My fantastic cousin Marcy came over today with some soup, oranges, and "throat coat" tea. That made me feel better! Thanks, Marcy!

Thankfully this week is relatively slow at work, so it won't be a big deal if I miss a day or two to rest up. The only thing I'm stressed about is my test. I should have been studying all weekend, but with my head all blocked up I couldn't stay awake or focused. =( Please pray for quick recovery so I can get back to studying. And please pray that I study smart and can retain the information I need to pass this exam.

Peace and love.
J

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! My prayer for you is that you will be richly blessed this coming year and that you will share those blessings with everyone you interact with. Share God's love and be a light in the lives of those who need encouragement or do not know Him.

My resolution for 2007 is to study a lot, and more productively, in order to pass the CPA exam.

Health update: My ear nose & throat doctor finally returned my calls, and my sinus CT was normal. Back to square one with trying to figure out what's up. My dad is convinced that I'm allergic to LA and need to move back to Northern California. I have an appointment with an allergist next week.

Peace and love,
J