Another one bites the dust

Yesterday I joined "Team Unemployed" an so many else have and will in these dreary and frightening times. Those of you who still have your jobs are extremely lucky and if you haven't already, you should start going above and beyond so you can keep it! I'm keeping busy with updating my resume, emailing my contacts, and searching job postings. I'm also doing the necessary evils of making sure I'm stocked up on prescriptions, canceling my luxury utilities such as my data PDA plan and Netflix. Still contemplating whether I should cancel the gym membership and cable. I've lived without TV before, but it gets depressing when you live alone... And I might be able to put the gym membership on hold, but I'm thinking now is as good a time as any to get into a groove at the gym, not to mention my membership dues were just reduced from $40/month to $20/month because my three year contract just ended. I think that's something I've earned and can't give up... unless I don't find a new job within a month... then I think I'll say adios to Bally... or at least put the membership on hold.

And now for a somewhat humorous story... I just spoke, via facebook chat, with my new cousin-in-law who lives in England. He works for DHL there and said they informed him that hisi job is secure. Why? Because they have a contract with Cadbury. And Cadbury is doing amazingly well during this recession. Apparently chocolate sales are up because when people get depressed, they turn to their tried and true friend: chocolate. (For those of you who don't know, cadbury sells more than just the Easter cream eggs. When I was in Australia, Cadbury was THE chocolate to be had.)

If you happen to know anyone in San Jose or the SF Bay Area who would hire someone with a degree in accounting and 4 years experience as an auditor with a public accounting firm, please let me know. Thanks!

Peace and love.
Julie

So much love to give

It's everywhere... romance and marriage and love and kissing and sex. It's on TV, on the street, in the movies, all my friends are in relationships... I totally cannot relate with any of that right now. I'm single. I've pretty much always been single. I'm so over it. My Grandma tells me every chance she has that she prays for me everyday, and I'm 99% sure she's praying that I find a man and get married and have babies. Like, NOW. It's everywhere. It's all around me. All this good stuff that I don't have. I'm not complaining like I'm desperate, I'm just saying I'm annoyed.

My outlook has changed recently about all this love stuff. I used to feel like I desperately wanted someone to love me; to be in love with me. Of course I still want someone to love me, but now I feel that I yearn to love someone else. I feel like I'm welling up with love to give. This is a relatively recent realization that came to me a couple weeks ago. I was spending some quality time in the kitchen, which i very rarely do. I guess I just don't feel like it's worth it to just cook for me. So when I was making my clam chowder from scratch - figuring out how to friggin cook bacon for the first time - a thought came to me... I enjoy cooking for other people. I think when I'm in a relationship and when I get married I will definitely want to cook for my husband and family. I think it will be vary satisfying to give and to provide for him. I've felt this is the past with a couple guys I have dated and made dinner for, but I never really processed the thoughts until now. I'm yearning to have someone who I can love and I can cook for and I can take care of. I have so much love to give. It's like my heart is full, but at the same time incomplete.

This afternoon I was spending time with one of my best girlfriends, sharing these thoughts with her. She and her husband, whom I introduced her to, were married in November. She shared that she agrees; she really enjoys taking care of her husband and being able to provide for him in certain ways.

One of my favorite quotes is from When Harry Met Sally: "When you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

In other news, my nephew Landon should be arriving any day now! As of this afternoon, his mom was dilated to 1 cm and having contractions every 15 minutes. That sounds pretty darn serious to me; like he'd be coming today or tomorrow, but her comment was "The contractions are only 15 minutes apart, so I think we have a while to wait still." (I obviously don't know anything about being pregnant and giving birth!) I have a feeling that I'm going to love Landon more than I've loved any one else before him. :)

Peace and love.

J

Harasser Update

I called the SJPD to file a police report and the officer said that I could fill out a form online or he could fax or mail a form for me to fill out and return. I opted to file the report online. Who knows if anything will happen. I may as well just change my phone number because I have a number with a different area code from where I live because I kept my phone number from college (on the Central Coast of California). My grandma has been asking if I'm going to change my number now that I've moved back to Nor Cal. I didn't plan to since it's the only number I use and I have it listed on my bills, credit cards, subscriptions, insurance, etc. But I guess it is inconvenient for all my friends and family to have to dial a long-distance number. My parents won't call me from their house; they always use their cell phones. It'll be an inconvience to change my number, but at least I won't be awakened at night by some pervert.

Also, it's weird, yes, but I'm not really grossed out by this guy and what he's doing. I'm just annoyed that he keeps calling and totally curious as to who it is. I blame our whacked culture for my desensitization. I guess I've seen Dateline's "To Catch a Predator" too many times. :(

J

Not happy

I've had enough! It's been 5 months now that I've been getting calls from a withheld number between 11pm and 12am. I have received a few around 2am, 3am, etc. Every time I answer I can hear a guy breathing. I usually hang up after saying hello a couple times. After a month or two, I started hitting ignore, but I'm not happy about that as my outgoing voicemail message contains my first and last name.

Tonight (just 15 minutes ago) I received another call. This time I decided to stay on the line until he hung up. I also wanted to make sure I was actually hearing breathing and not just repeated white noise. I was on the call for 3 minutes before he hung up. Conclusion: Pervert was masturbating. Um, yeah. I just called AT&T to see if they could figure out what the withheld number was and they told me that I need to file a police report for harassing calls and then the police department will subpoena my phone records. OR... the lady said I could change my cell phone number.

Effing LOVELY!

J

Moving forward

One other crappy tidbit that most of you don't know is that the audit exam I passed 18 months ago "expires" on November 24. So since I failed this most recent exam, I lose the audit exam. Now I have to take TWO exams to get that license. One step forward, two steps back...

I checked and received my failing score at midnight on Saturday (as I had just gotten home from the Carrie Underwood concert and then a drink out for my friend's birthday). My score was 67. 75 is needed to pass. As you can imagine I was quite upset. I didn't get out of bed until 4:30pm on Sunday (with the exception of bathrooms breaks, during which I cried the entire time I was awake). Then when I did get out of bed, I cried for the next two hours until I made my dad invite me over for dinner because I told him I couldn't be alone. Taking a shower and getting out of the house really made things better. I had decided in my hysteria that I was over it; I can't do this anymore and I won't do this anymore. I've spent too much time on this already, and it's been SO costly on my mental health and overall happiness. Like I've said before, these exams have been a huge burden on my shoulders for three and a half years! and they've been stifling my creativity and ability to feel free.

But of course, after the hysteria, I'm still VERY upset but I've decided that I can't throw away those other two exams that I passed and have not yet expired. And God has a way of getting a message across at the right time... I'm in LA for the week for work because there is a client I've worked on for the past 3 years, this year is my fourth year, and they just can't let me off of it yet. This will be my final year on the client, I just need to transition it over to another senior. Since I'm in LA I was hoping to get together with some of my friends. Kirstin invited me to come to a Bible study with some other friends from church tonight. I went to the Bible study where we read Exodus 16 and shared about what makes us "grumble" in life. I shared that I grumble about giving my all and working my butt off and then failing. I forget exactly how the conversation progressed, but then our leader said, that grumbling is not being a good steward of our resources or talents (or brain). And I'm like, God? Are you talking to me?


In other news, I went to the gym at the hotel tonight and I was able to ride the recumbent bike for an entire 30 minutes! yeah! go me!

And in other news, my brother and his girlfriend got engaged on Saturday!

peace and love,
J

:(

I didn't pass the fucking exam.

Murphy's Law

Since I've finished studying (hopefully. I still haven't gotten my exam score yet) I've decided that I'm going to start being more creative, reading more, eat healthier, and go back to the gym. Today was finally the day that I decided to go back to the gym. I logged no more than 12 minutes on the elliptical machine when I got a sharp pain in my lower back and could no longer take deep breaths. yeah, wtf?! Believe me, I was going slowly in an effort to NOT hurt myself since I haven't worked out in months. Apparently my efforts weren't successful. I found some trainers and told them about my situation to see what their thoughts were. The front desk girl suggested that I was dehydrated and the trainer thought I'd either popped a rib out of place or pulled a muscle. He showed me some stretches to do, which I did, but they didn't make the pain go away completely. So, I got in 12 minutes of exercise. I think my body hates me.

Update

Thanks for the prayers and well wishes. I know you all want to know about my cat's litter box habits... :) Charlotte has been able to go potty without too much straining today! YAY! I can tell she's starting to feel better because she's been using her scratching post, which she hasn't for a couple days, and last night she snuck out the front door when I came home from the grocery store. She usually tries to get out when I come home, but hadn't been feeling so stealth the last few days. Her favorite part of all this is that the doctor recommended I get her some of the prescription diet food in the canned format until this problem subsides, AND I got a little tuna to mix her medication in. Salome, thanks for the info on the urinary formula food. Good to know they have it at the pet store. I will have to check that out because I was not looking forward to spending double the money cat food ( I was already buying the $20 for 6 pounds variety). Nor was I looking forward to trekking across town to the veterinarian everytime I need to buy some.

Now that things are looking up around here, I'm hoping I can really buckle down on focus on cramming for that test!

Peace and love,
J

Charlotte feels yucky

Hi blog friends,

My Charlotte kitty has not been feeling well, so I wanted to just share the story with you all so you know what we're going through and maybe you have some advice, shared experiences, or can at the very least pray or think happy thoughts for my baby girl.

(I initially wrote the following as an email to a friend to explain what was going on, so instead of re-typing it all, I'm just going to paste it here.)

She was unable to both urinate and defecate for at least 24 hours starting Sunday night. (And I was terribly worried because if cats can't do their business, they'll die from toxicity.) I initially thought she was constipated because she was straining and the last time she had a urinary infection, she was still able to go #2 and there was blood in the box when she tried to urinate. In the absence of those two things, I assumed it was constipation. Then on Monday morning I realized that she hadn't been urinating either. That's when I called the vet to make an appointment and the only availability was for Tuesday around noon. I was very worried, to the point of being useless at work, because she still hadn't urinated by the time I left for work on Tuesday. Then, right before I took her to the vet yesterday, she was able to do a little of both. But she was leaking urine on her bed. So they emptied her bladder at the vet's office and took a sample to do some tests. This morning she was still unable to urinate, was straining in her box repeatedly, and actually laid down IN her litter box for 15 minutes while I was getting ready for work. I almost started crying when I saw her. I would have thought it was funny under different circumstances. So I called the vet around 9 and the Dr didn't call me back until noon. He said he wanted me to bring her back in at 3 and said that because she was having problems going #2, he was worried that she may have a growth. And that would mean she'd have to have surgery which would cost me thousands of dollars, which I cannot afford, so I'd have to put her down, so I started to cry (at my client's office) and I couldn't stop crying. So I left the client at 1 and came home.

Charlotte had actually been able to go a little bit of both #1 and #2 while I was gone, so that was a major relief. I never would have thought I'd be so happy to see cat pee! I took her to the vet at 3 and they took her in the back and left me in the lobby for an hour and a half. That was fine because I chatted with the receptionist, other people bringing in their pets, and I got to pet a few dogs. (I really LOVE this veterinarian and I'm so glad I found them. Thanks yelp.com!) Then when they finally took me back to talk to the Dr., he showed me a test tube of her urine. About 1/4 of it was crystals that looked like sugar and then there was a little layer of red on top of the crystals, which he said was blood. This means she has Feline Bladder Disease, which means her bladder and urethra are inflamed. He suspects that the urethra is so inflamed, it's making the hole very small, and when she squeezes her bladder to urinate, it squeezes the hole closed so nothing can come out. Additionally, he said he bladder muscle is weak and squeezes at about half the force/strength it should. She may also have a UTI, so she's still on a little bit of antibiotics. He gave me anti-inflammatory pills that I have to give her once a day and a medication that is supposed to make her bladder muscle squeeze with more force. AND now she has to be on prescription food that's specially formulated for urinary problems, which is supposed to reduce the accumulation of crystals in her bladder. He hopes that all that will make the current problem go away and keep future flare ups at a minimum. I really hope so! I was quite worried for a while that I'd lose her. :(

I'm taking tomorrow and Friday off so I can study because my exam is on Saturday! I've been useless at work all week because I've been worried about Charlotte and stressed that I couldn't focus on studying. Hopefully I can be calm tomorrow since I'll be home with her and have 2 full days to study.

Thanks in advance for your prayers and happy thoughts! (Let's hope my baby can pee freely!)

J

Here are some pictures of Charlotte that I took last Friday.

Stress!

I am taking the Business and Economic Concepts (BEC) portion of the CPA exam on Saturday, October 25. If I pass it, I will be DONE! If I do not pass, I'm screwed... I lose the Audit (AUD) exam that I passed and I have to take both AUD and BEC again. Needless to say, I am studying my butt off so that there is no other option than to pass. Please, if you're the praying type, remember me in your prayers that I might learn and retain this information, that I might not have anxiety, and that I may be calm while taking the exam. Thank you!

Peace and love.
J

P.S. After this exam my life begins! I have big plans for getting back to exercising, being creative, and just overall enjoying life (and my freedom from exams)!

Depressed

Last night I found the blog of Matt Logelin (www.mattlogelin.com) who lives in LA. His gorgeous wife, Liz, passed away in March, just 27 hours after giving birth to their little girl, Madeline, who was 7 weeks pre-mature and weighed 3 lbs 14 oz. He writes each night about what he and his daughter did that day. It's so sweet and beautiful, but at the same time horribly, horribly sad and painful. His posts made me cry multiple times last night and today. I couldn't access the site at work, so I read it after work. I've read all his entries up to today. And after I finished reading, I almost felt sick like throwing up. I was so sad and I feel like I know his wife now and I'm so so so terribly sad for him. There's that saying - "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I don't know if that's true. I've never loved (romantically, that is), and I feel like I'd rather keep it that way than fall in love and lose him. It's so oppressively devastating!

So I was at home, sad, but I had told my cousin Marcy I'd come over to her place tonight as she was having a "going away" BBQ of sorts. On Sunday she's leaving for Africa for the summer. I really did not feel like going. I took a nap for probably an hour and then headed over an hour after it started... fashionably late. Being there didn't cheer me up at all. I didn't know anyone else. Then a bunch of girls went into Marcy's room to do a Buddhist chant while a lady, who appeared to be a leader, rolled up the scroll they were chanting to (?). I was very uncomfortable because I'm Christian, I didn't know what they were saying, and I was sad that Marcy seemed to have fallen away from God and chosen to pursue Buddhism. It became overwhelming as they got louder and faster, and then once the scroll was rolled up, put into a box, and then placed in a cabinet the chanting slowed down before ceasing.

Marcy's Mom was there and she told me that Marcy recommended she try attending Buddhist meetings and get into chanting because she'd been having some relationship difficulties. She told me that she did try it, and everything is so much better for her now. I just kept nodding and listening. She said, "I thought at first this would be yet another of Marcy's crazy adventures... Like when she went to Ghana and became a born again Christian. Thankfully she got over that and is into this now. This is much healthier." I was so taken aback by that statement. Had she no idea of my faith and that it was such an integral part of my being, and has been for 26 years?! Her words brought me to my breaking point, and I started to cry. I told Marcy that I had to leave.

I hope that tomorrow is a better day.

Peace and love.
J

An open letter to the people of Los Angeles

Haven't you seen the insurance commercial with the extremely rude guy getting pissed off at everyone and the narrator says, "You don't act like this in your everyday life; why act like this in your car?" Ummm... yeah, I'd say you have NOT seen the commercial.

A couple things:

1. The world is NOT ending! IT'S CALLED RAIN!! Contrary to popular belief, the rain does not cause your brain to fail. If you calm the frick down, you can drive the same way you usually do, just add some caution and be a tad bit slower. And when I say a tad bit slower, I really mean it; no need to slow to a quarter of your normal speed!
2. Yeah, that stick coming out the left side of your steering wheel is a blinker; a turn signal if you'd prefer. USE IT!!! My personal belief is that if you don't use it, you're an inconsiderate @$$hole who has no regard for other life forms. Appropriate times to use the signal would be when you're turning or want to switch lanes. If you don't use it, I have no warning that you're coming and I'm likely to hit you or get really pissed off! Also, it's kind of THE LAW to use it!!
3. If I turn my blinker on to signal that I'm coming into your lane, it is totally unacceptable for you to speed up and honk at me. The blinker serves as a polite notice to you that I'm coming, so don't be an inconsiderate @$$hole and express your anger via your horn.
4. And that brings me to your horn. The entire purpose is to let someone know if there is impending danger. This means that it should be used to warn someone that they are about to hit you or somethings else or about 20 seconds after a light changes green if the car in front of you has not started moving. It is NOT there so you can use it to express your unending anger, hatred, and frustration. We're ALL frustrated. We're in LA. and we're driving. This means:

• Do NOT honk at the car in front of you immediately after the light changes green. That one virtue? It's called patience!!
• Do NOT honk at the cars not going because there are cars in front of them - perhaps blocking the intersection. Yeah, people block the intersection. Laying on your mother-effing horn is not going to open up a portal in space in time that will miraculously cause those cars to move so you can get through the light.
• (But come on people, at least pay attention and try not to block the intersection - especially you double-long-accordion-extended buses; you @$$holes purposely block the intersection far too often.)
• Do NOT honk at someone who pulls forward a little to far past a stop sign - guess what... they're STOPPED... probably means that, surprise, they actually SEE you and are waiting for you to pass before they drive further!!

Moral of this long-ass gripe post: BE CONSIDERATE! Realize that we're all in the same situation, and we're all trying to get somewhere, and we're all frustrated.

Blah

I got in a minor car accident on January 12. No injuries, but I was sore for a while from tensing up immediately before and during impact. The car is currently in the body shop with at least $2500 in damages. The accident wasn't a huge deal, but it brought me down pretty low. I haven't felt joyful or too creative since then. My mood probably isn't based entirely on the fender bender, but it started there.

Last week I worked at a client's office in Irvine. Because the Controller was busy generating W-2s and 1099s, she essentially tried to avoid me while I was there. It's hard being the "hated" auditor. I know it has nothing to do with me personally, and everything to do with my position as the disruptor of the client's daily duties, but it still gets to me. Additionally, I was staying in a hotel so I wouldn't have to spend at least 3 hours commuting each day. While the hotel, with in-room spa tubs, was fantastic, last week was terribly lonely. I'm used to being alone since I live on my own, but last week was just too much - compounded with lingering pain from the accident and the stress of trying to get things done at work.

Sorry to be "Debbie Downer" but I just wanted to post something...

Julie

My crazy life

Sometime in April I was told that come May I would be working on a confidential fraud engagement somewhere near San Diego. Here's the timeline...

End of April: I find out I'll be in SD May 7-11 and 14-18.
May 3: I hear they won't be ready on Monday, May 7. Plan to be there Tuesday instead.
May 7: I hear they won't be ready on Tuesday. Plan to be there Wednesday instead.
May 8: I hear they won't be ready Wednesday. Plan to be there Monday, May 14. (at this point, I decide I can go to the grocery store. I had no food since I thought I was leaving town for 2 weeks.)
May 13: I don't want to have to sit in traffic for 100 miles on Monday morning, so I choose to leave Sunday night. I drive down to SD, leaving West LA at 6pm. I arrive at the hotel at about 7:45.

I go to the front desk to check in, and the girl at the desk tells me, "Your reservation was changed to the 16th." (The Manager on our engagement was taking care of the reservations and paying for them all on her credit card as the hotel is ~$200/night.) I think, "hmmm, I checked my email yesterday, but not today. I would assume that if something changed since yesterday someone would have called me." I call my Manager to see what's going on, "Oh no!" she says. "You didn't get the email I sent you last week saying that we're having to push back our start date again?! I am SO sorry. I sent it to you Wednesday or Thursday. You didn't get it? The client's numbers aren't right, and at the earliest we'll find out on Tuesday IF and WHEN we can start our fieldwork. I'll definitely be calling you with schedule changes from here on out."

Yes, good idea.

So I turn around and drive back to West LA. and for some God awful reason there's traffic in Orange County and LA between 8 and 10 p.m. on a Sunday night. I get home at 10:30. Next time, I'm calling the manager before I pack my suitcase and drive 100 miles. and on top of all this madness, I'm taking my audit exam in a week and a half. 4.5 hours of potential study time wasted in So Cal traffic.

J