Oh, hi.

I can't believe this is only my third post of 2010. This past year had major ups and downs, but we're ending on an "up" note and I know that 2011 will be a fabulous year. I know I said that at the beginning of 2010, but this time I'm hopeful with every fiber of my being.

Nothing tragic happened, but I felt like I was in a downward spiral and had no "life energy" to live my life with. (That's a term my therapist provided, and I think it fits perfectly.) Essentially, I was using all my life energy just to hold all my shit together and not become a crazy hermit. I'm still getting there, but things have taken a turn for the better and are certainly looking up... especially at work where, after a year, I finally feel "at home". After encouraging a friend to see a therapist, I decided to take my own advice. Talking to an objective, experienced professional helped tremendously. I highly recommend therapy and think everyone should do it. She helped me to step back from situations and see them from other perspectives.

In May I started attending a church with a large young adult group, and I have met many amazing, inspiring, loving people there. I've been participating in a small group Bible study, which led me to realize how far away I had moved from God. Again, nothing tragic or scandalous... just wandering aimlessly using all my energy to hold my shit together, which is terribly ironic because what brought me back to relationship with God was surrendering everything to Him. I had gotten lost in thinking I could do everything to make my life better and that in itself was making my life worse.

In September I finally threw up my hands in frustration and said, "Fine, God! If this is where you want me to be, I accept it. (Now please show me HOW to get through it!)" Then over the next few weeks I was overcome with peace and I have been, and still am, the happiest I've been in a few years. FINALLY. Praise God. My soul is healing and I'm becoming me again.

Try it. Surrender all of yourself, and reach out to your Creator. I promise you will never be the same. I pray that you will be overcome with peace and joy.

And what has moved me to write and share this now is a blog I read yesterday, from Kelly Rae Roberts. She is one of my favorite artists, and has such an open, beautiful soul. Yesterday she shared some of the birth story of her son in which she talks about coming to peace through being broken and then surrendering. Outside of the birthing part, it really resonated with me and got me reflecting more on this past year (in addition to the fact that tomorrow is the last day of the year). Today Kelly Rae shared this quote on facebook, which also spoke to me as I shed many a tear in 2010.

• "There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and unspeakable love." - Washington Irving

There is incredible healing in letting everything go and breaking down all the barriers we put up. Get raw and really feel every emotion.

This year has also brought the realization that I truly love serving people, so I will definitely be doing more of that in the coming year.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I pray that 2011 will bring you unspeakable love and perfect peace.

Peace and love.
J


P.S. I apologize to all my blog/internet friends for being away all year, but it's been an intensive, worthwhile journey and I can't wait to see what this next year has to offer. Hopefully I can write more and exercise my intellect rather than dumbing myself down by watching TV.

Here's a shocker...

A couple weeks ago I was informed by a friend and former co-worker that one of the partners I worked with in Los Angeles had been arrested. (Please read the article - it's the shocking part.) He was my company-assigned "mentor" and his ex-wife was my hairstylist. So, yeah, I knew this guy a little better than most employees know their supervisors. The day I read this article I was in complete shock and could not function for about an hour. After that hour I was able to do some work, but the shock carried on for a few days.

In other news... I'm going to see John Mayer live in concert tomorrow night! I was able to score floor seats without having to sell my soul. They were surprisingly affordable. I'm stoked! (Yeah, he can be an ass sometimes, but can't we all?)

Peace and love.
J

That's Miss CPA to you!

Monday, March 15

Yes, the day has FINALLY come! I am officially a Certified Public Accountant in the state of California! Woo hoo!!! Since the California Board of Accountancy (CBA) deposited my check for the initial license fee, I'd been checking the CBA's licensee page to see if they had posted my name. Because even though I passed all the tests and my application had been approved, I was expressly warned that I may NOT call myself a CPA until I had my certificate number. Well I got that number on Thursday morning. I was so excited I just wanted to squeal at my desk at work. I am so, so, SO relieved to be done with this!!!

In other news, yesterday, March 14, was my birthday. I'm a whopping 28 years old now. Ack! I'm almost 30!! For my birthday I finally got a new car stereo receiver. About 9 months ago the radio part of the receiver I had stopped working; and it was only a year and a half old at that time... for those of you who have been with me for a while, recall that my stereo was stolen out of my car right before Christmas 2007 when I was living in LA. Of course I didn't get the extended warranty at Best Buy, so I decided to just live with the CD player and AUX port that allowed me to play my iPod. But I have SO missed the radio. I have no clue what the popular tunes are right now. My brother said that's totally fine because there is nothing good on anyway. However, I do love a certain morning show, so now I can listen to that during my 12 minute commute! Oh, and the point I was getting at is that when I went to Best Buy to have the guy look at my busted stereo, I watched him remove it from the dash. Cut to me installing the new stereo just moments ago! I just LOVE being self sufficient!


Tuesday, March 16

So in the middle of writing this post at 7:30 yesterday evening I received a text from my friend that said, "Um, are you on your way over?" and I sent a text back, "Oh shit I totally forgot!!" I was supposed to have been at my friend's house for dinner at 7! So hastily I left the apartment and hopped in the car. I was pretty excited to be getting to listen to my new stereo while cruising down the freeway on a beautiful Spring evening. I was at a stop light about a half mile from my apartment listening to a rowdy song by Rihanna (lyrics NSFW) - hey, the beat is awesome, ok?! - and I see out of the corner of my eye that the guy in the car next to me is waving. I roll down my window and turned down my borderline obscenely loud music, and say "Hi..." He says, "Hey. How you doin tonight? Here take down my number before the light turns green." So I humor him and type his number into my phone. I say, "What is your name?" and think to myself it's a total deal-breaker when a guy doesn't ask my name before asking for my number/giving me his number.

However, I think about how I haven't been on a date since I went to a baseball game with that loser in September, and how I have no dates lined up in the foreseeable future. The light turns green, and my new "friend" Lavell says "Call me" before we both drive off. I'm not about to be the one to call him when he hit on me, so at the next stoplight I send him a text saying, "Here's my number". He texts back with, "How u doin"... um, I thought we already covered that back at the stoplight. I say, "Enjoying my new car stereo... obviously. You?" and he replies a bit later, "just got home"... and that was it. While at dinner at my friend's house I saw that I had a missed call from him at 9pm, but no voicemail... so I send a text saying, "I'm at a friend's house for dinner". He says, "Ok." and I haven't heard from him since. And now I totally regret sending him a text message in the first place, but whatever, it doesn't look like he's going to use my number. But thinking back... He hits on me at a stop light (ghetto) while I'm listening to some highly inappropriate lyrics (he probably thinks I'm a whore) and then he has nothing more to say than "how u doin" (degenerate). I would just like to say, as I'm sure you've all noticed here, I'm a HUGE spelling and grammar snob. I detest "text spelling" with the r and the u and the b4 and the lack of punctuation. It just breeds improper spelling and grammar in other aspects of life. Yes, I know, I admit it, I'm a snob. My coworkers today told me that I need to get over it and embrace the texting shortcuts because you have a limited number of characters and have to squeeze it all in whichever way possible. No. I protest. Honest to God, I could never marry a man who can't spell common words. And if a man can spell really well, instant brownie points in my book. Yes, I'm a nerd.

Quick tangent... in high school I had a major crush on a guy. My parents were getting divorced at the time and, of course, it was taking a toll on me. He wrote me an email one day saying something like, "I know how you feel. My parents got a devorse too." The crush instantly evaporated.

Anyway... Since my last post my Landy love has celebrated his first birthday. Somewhere around the beginning of January this little boy exploded with personality. He is the funniest thing ever right now!




Peace and love.
J