One other crappy tidbit that most of you don't know is that the audit exam I passed 18 months ago "expires" on November 24. So since I failed this most recent exam, I lose the audit exam. Now I have to take TWO exams to get that license. One step forward, two steps back...
I checked and received my failing score at midnight on Saturday (as I had just gotten home from the Carrie Underwood concert and then a drink out for my friend's birthday). My score was 67. 75 is needed to pass. As you can imagine I was quite upset. I didn't get out of bed until 4:30pm on Sunday (with the exception of bathrooms breaks, during which I cried the entire time I was awake). Then when I did get out of bed, I cried for the next two hours until I made my dad invite me over for dinner because I told him I couldn't be alone. Taking a shower and getting out of the house really made things better. I had decided in my hysteria that I was over it; I can't do this anymore and I won't do this anymore. I've spent too much time on this already, and it's been SO costly on my mental health and overall happiness. Like I've said before, these exams have been a huge burden on my shoulders for three and a half years! and they've been stifling my creativity and ability to feel free.
But of course, after the hysteria, I'm still VERY upset but I've decided that I can't throw away those other two exams that I passed and have not yet expired. And God has a way of getting a message across at the right time... I'm in LA for the week for work because there is a client I've worked on for the past 3 years, this year is my fourth year, and they just can't let me off of it yet. This will be my final year on the client, I just need to transition it over to another senior. Since I'm in LA I was hoping to get together with some of my friends. Kirstin invited me to come to a Bible study with some other friends from church tonight. I went to the Bible study where we read Exodus 16 and shared about what makes us "grumble" in life. I shared that I grumble about giving my all and working my butt off and then failing. I forget exactly how the conversation progressed, but then our leader said, that grumbling is not being a good steward of our resources or talents (or brain). And I'm like, God? Are you talking to me?
In other news, I went to the gym at the hotel tonight and I was able to ride the recumbent bike for an entire 30 minutes! yeah! go me!
And in other news, my brother and his girlfriend got engaged on Saturday!
peace and love,
J
5 comments:
I am glad to hear this is where you are today. you are too smart and talented to throw it away, but of course you couldn't hear that until you were ready. Take deep breaths, adn all will be well. Eventually. :) BTW, how is the cat?
you can do it! :)
miss charlotte, miss penny lane, miss malibu, mr. milo, and mr. jim all believe in you. (as do I)
Well, miss chrmd, you sound like quite the cat lady... ;-P
I'm glad you're doing better. However, I'm not sure that it was just grumbling you were doing. We LA people like to call it processing :)
Oh no! I'm sorry to hear that. It must have been so disappointing!! I'm glad you went to that Bible study! What a prescient time to read and think about that.
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